Much Needed Therapy

I found another psychologist on my insurance provider list and called him up.  I went in for the appointment and everything I've been thinking about just came out.  It was great!  LOL... okay, seriously it was one of the scariest things ever but I told him about my struggles and he provide me with some tools.  I have actually been completing my assigned homework too.  I am far from better but I am definitely working things through more appropriately, understanding my limitations, and accepting my strengths (which is actually the hardest one for me).  So maybe the therapy is really needed as much as I thought after all!

The next thing on my list ~ a relaxing massage! LOL!

Insight Oriented

As many of you know I am working on my Master's Degree in Mental Health Counseling so that I can become a Licensed Professional Counselor.  I love the courses I'm taking and I am learning so much.  However, interestingly, the most difficult part of it all is that I am becoming so insightful.  This schooling has taught me so much about myself even though it's been hard to analyze my idiosyncrasies.  I don't honestly know what I was thinking getting into this field LOL - I mean I should have thought "of course, I'll have to do some self-assessment" but no, that didn't even cross my mind.  In fact, I assumed it wasn't about me so much that I forgot to look at how much "me" really plays into it.  All this insight-oriented thinking is exhausting and I now see what therapists require of those coming to see them... and man, it's tough. 

• It's hard to accept our individual faults. 
• It's hard to realize when you are the problem. 
• It's hard to share yourself. 
• It's hard to accept blame and stop blaming everyone else. 
• It's hard to look at your past, see the mistakes you made, see the mistakes others made, accept that and move on. 
• It's hard to let go. 
• It's HARD to change. 

Luckily, I now understand that I am affected by my past and present actions ~ immensely.  I have MUCH work to do.  Even though it's hard, I am so glad I am doing it now! 


Through all this exploration, I realized how afraid I've been to accept the truth... I need therapy.  Who seriously wants to think they need to see a "shrink"???  In fact, seeing a therapist has such a negative tone in my belief that I've had difficulty even making the call to schedule an appointment with one.  I put it out of my mind, pretended I didn't have all this insight, and tried to forget about it.  But life isn't like that and of course it's crept up on me.  So here I am... it's staring me in the face.  What do I do???  Do I give in to my belief and shy away from therapy or do I accept that I can't do this alone and find someone to talk to? 


Luckily, I've taken baby steps... I've been thinking about this for couple weeks and during that time I looked up mental health providers with my insurance.  I then googled those names.  I found a presentation online by one of the psychologists and listened to it.  She is smart, interesting, and funny.  She really knows what she is talking about.  Well... today I gathered up my courage and called her to schedule an appointment.  Can you believe it?  I was very pleased with myself.  She didn't answer but I still left a message.  Well, she called me back and guess what she's swamped.  So it's back to square one.  I don't plan on completely giving up... not yet anyway.  I'll find someone else on my insurance list and hopefully I'll gather enough courage to once again make that call.  I just pray they can fit me in...